Boris promises to reverse porn block and reveals plans for supplying homes with more porn than ever

Boris Johnson has today unveiled plans to reverse the Porn Block and instead create an opt-out system for pornography.

“I want porn beamed into houses 24/7. I want it stuffed through letterboxes, I wanted it pouring out of taps. If people don’t like it they can simply opt-out, but why would they?

"Porn is the lifeblood of this country."

"When I look into a man’s eye I want to know he’s consumed so much pornography he no longer feels anything. He’s completely numb. You could slice him with a sword and he wouldn’t flinch.

"That’s the Britain we fought for. That’s the Britain we deserve” said the disheveled Prime Minister before being urged into a cupboard by ten of his aides.